Barracho
by Amanda.Tavares
Summary: Yoruichi is receiving a lifetime achievement award among her peers and the 13 Gotei. A few decide to celebrate before the award ceremony. Things go wrong and Yoruichi, Kisuke, and Soi Fon wake up in the middle of Mexico with Byakuya missing. Can they find Byakuya and make it to the ceremony in time?
1. Stealing Drug Money

**Eastern Rukon District**

**4:37 AM**

**Soi fon **

Where are my clothes? Where are my fucking clothes? I was frantically rolling people over. They were passed out or coming down from their high. The music was still humming in the main room down the hall even though the party was clearly over. I had just come to and realized I didn't have any clothes on. Now I'm currently ripping apart this bedroom in a black bra and tiny spandex shorts.

Someone sharpied me. I could see all kinds of vulgar writing on my stomach and chest. Still had my shades though! I'm high out of my mind. I drank a lot and the only reason I came here last night was because I knew these guys were selling coke. I rolled a fat guy off the bed. My mind was in a vortex.

Then I spotted it on the bed. Rolled up in a rubber band. A thick roll of one hundreds. Fucking score! I picked it up to check it out when I heard someone yelling in a foreign language from out in the hall. It got louder and then a gun shot. I froze. Shit….I tucked the rolled in my waistband and then the door burst open. A man with slicked back black hair and coarse facial hair came in.

He pointed the gun and yelled in words I couldn't understand. I waved my hands in defense.

"Whoa hey take it down a notch!"

He continued to yell saying "Dinero, dinero". I think I got it now he wants the money. I looked at his gun and then at the window. We're only one story up. So…..fuck it. I turned and I jumped through the window breaking through the glass. I rolled onto the grass cuts everywhere on my skin. The foreign man looked out the window and started yelling again. He aimed at me and began to fire.

Crack! Crack! Crack!

I grabbed my side. Holy fuck! He sunk a bullet right in me. I started to back away and then he jumped out the window. He shot again this one hit me in the side of my head. I yelled out in pain.

"Mother of God, what the fuck is happening?"

I got up with blood still in my eyes and made a run for it. I saw more men come out of the house. Maybe three. All holding semi automatic weapons. This just made me run faster. This was the soul society I never had to deal with guns, but clearly they were trafficking their drugs between this world and the living.

I ran to the West into the forest. I agilely jumped over a fallen tree and made my way through the trees. I could see their flashlights behind me and I kept going. My head and side stung hot as the blood poured out onto my cold skin. It was a cold winter night and the snow was sticking to the ground. My feet were bare and I could no longer feel them. I stopped when I came to a river.

It was frozen over so I carefully set a foot out onto the ice and then another. I made it half way over when BOOM! I fell straight through the ice. Every part of my body was in pain and I thought I might die. I pushed to the surface and gasped for air. Pulling myself up over the ice again I made my way the other side. I stood up taking deep breaths. Then I looked up river and I saw a bridge.

"Are you fucking serious?" I yelled.

Just then the drug lords came across the bridge and spotted me. They started shouting and pointing. I turned it around and booked it again I was close to the Seireitei. The trees and shadows hid me as I ran but these guys were hot on my trail then I finally saw it coming up. The Eastern gate. I ran so hard I slammed into the door. I pounded as hard as I could.

"Open this mother fucking gate right now!"

"Identify yourself." A voice responded.

"Captain Soi Fon of Squad 2 now open this fucking door right now or else I'm going to shove my fist so far up your ass I'll be doing sign language out of your mouth!"

"Very well ma'am."

The door cracked slightly and I ripped it open and ran through.

**Yoruichi**

The alarm clock was buzzing at 4:30 AM. I rolled over in bed not wanting to get up but I promised myself an early training session so I took a minute and then rose out of bed.

I went to the bathroom I shared with Soi Fon. I was living in her spare bedroom for now. I wanted us to spend some lost time together but she was distant. To make things worse she covered up whatever feelings she had about Yoruichi with excessive partying and snorting cocaine. Soi Fon was never around unless I found her passed out on the floor in the apartment or stumbling home drunk in the early morning hours.

I pulled on my orange jacket and walked into the kitchen for a quick bite. When I was done I washed my plate and went out the door headed for the Squad 2 Training grounds. Who knows maybe Soi Fon would show up and want to hang out. Though it seemed unlikely. When I arrived I started on a couple of dummies. I let my reitsu flare and then I jumped into action giving fast kicks and punches.

I was barely working a sweat when I caught sound of a disturbance nearby. Was that gun shots in the Seireitei? That couldn't be true. Then I saw a figure hop a wall and come running right at me. It was Soi Fon! Pleasantly surprised I was about to give her a warm welcome when she started screaming at me.

**Soi Fon**

"Fucking run right now damn it start running stupid bitch!"

Yoruichi just stood there looking perplexed. I ran right up to her and then I slapped her straight across the face.

"Hey now what the hell are you-"

"Run right now!" I shouted.

I grabbed her arm and then we took off. The men were close behind us. We ran down a street into a dead end. We both stopped.

"It's dead." Yoruichi stated.

"Look over here!" I said.

There was a liquor store on the right. I punched my fist through the glass and turned the knob from the other side. We hurried inside and shut the door. We both sank down against the wall breathing heavily, neither one saying a word. Then Yoruichi hit me hard on my bad side.

"What the fuck?"

"Don't act innocent Soi Fon what the fuck did you do?" Yoruichi glared at me.

Then it hit me and I started laughing hysterically. I couldn't control it. I doubled over it hurt to laugh this much.

"Hey stop laughing this is fucking serious, you almost got us killed!"

I giggled a little bit. "Yeah I just robbed some drug dealers."

Yoruichi's eyes turned into saucers. "You did what? YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!"

Yoruichi hit me hard over the head, which made the bullet wound bleed even more, but it was still comical. I laughed some more trying to contain myself.

"Oh ma God what a bunch of dumb fucks, check this out!" I pulled the roll out of my waistband and handed it to her. She let it sit in her hand and then she undid it flipping through the bills. Then she looked up at me.

"Soi Fon th-this is like 20 grand."

"Sick, then that was definitely worth getting shot over." I huffed.

Yoruichi's eyes went wide when I said the word "shot."

"Oh my God you're hurt!" Yoruichi exclaimed.

She pushed away my arms and touched my side and then my head. Then she looked at the blood now on her own hand.

"It's ok Bee we'll get you fixed up." Yoruichi smiled and ruffled my hair.

Nostalgia much? Yeah total bullshit. I swatted her hand off my head.

"Don't "Bee" me pussy face! We're not in the hospital we're in a liquor store and now it's time for Soi Soi to get a drink on."

I got up and started looking up and down the aisles for my favorite rum but it was dark so I couldn't see that well.

"Umm Soi stealing alcohol is illegal and I don't think you should drink right now anyway, you've had a rough night." Yoruichi pleaded.

"Asshole please, I drink whenever I want and it's not stealing I'm gonna leave 100."

"This is so far from being legal." Yoruichi mumbled.

I found the rum I was looking for and then I walked behind the counter for a couple of smokes. I lay the 100 down on the counter and then we left. I was gonna go home and just bleed out in the shower but Yoruichi wanted me to go and see Unohana. So we made our way to the fourth division.

We were in the waiting in the patients room for Unohana and nurses were scrambling to clean up the blood I spilled when I walked in. Drinking that rum thinned out the blood a lot and now it was getting everywhere. Unohana walked in with a very bothered look on her face.

"So Captain Fon tell me why I am up before 6 AM please?"

Yoruichi spoke for me. "She was shot twice."

Unohana smiled. "So they got this time didn't they?"

I took out a cigarette and lit up breathing in the smoke. "Yeah I suppose you could say that." I said

"What do you mean this time?" Yoruichi questioned.

"Well since you've been gone I take care of your little Bee quite often. I'm talking about running from police, stealing cop cars, destruction of property, getting shot at, bad drug deals the list just goes on." Unohana sighed.

I lifted my rum bottle. "Such a good time right?"

"Are you out of your mind you can't just go into the world of the living and pull shit like that!" Yoruichi barked.

"Relax pussy galore, Unohana takes care of me so only she knows." I tipped my glass back.

"Ok you're going to need stitches on your head and side and then a blood transfusion because you've lost a lot." Unohana stated.

"Love ya." I said back.

"Soi Fon you are arrogant, vulgar, and out of control." Unohana sighed looking at me.

I winked back. "Love those compliments!"


	2. Fuck Bitches

**North East Seireitei**

**9:12 AM**

**Soi Fon **

I was dragging my feet heavily, we were headed back to the apartment. Yoruichi walked confidently by my side. I felt like shit. My high was wearing off and the shakes were setting in. Not to mention the hangover was starting. I need some Vicodin and sleep fast. I lit up another cigarette hoping to take the edge off.

"You really shouldn't smoke those." Yoruichi chimed in.

"La la la, I don't hear your words." I said back

"Whats wrong with you? Did you just go off the deep end after I left?" Yup, Yoruichi just hit a touchy subject.

I stopped in my tracks and pulled up my sunglasses. "I want you to look into my eyes."

"Alright." Yoruichi said skeptically.

"Now look into my eyes and tell me if it looks like I give a fuck." I stared into Yoruichi's eyes.

Yoruichi stumbled over her words. "Uh-um well, I just, well no it doesn't look like you give a fuck.

I flipped my shades down. "That's because I really don't give a fuck, now come on vagina sucker I need some prescription drugs and a nap."

I turned and started walking again and Yoruichi followed. We made it back to my apartment shortly. I went to my room and grabbed a pill and then I went to the kitchen and grabbed a Corona out of the fridge. Throwing back the pill I downed it with the beer. I walked back to the living room were Yoruichi was sitting on the couch. I collapsed face down on the carpet and started to pet it.

"This carpet is so wonderful I wish I could fuck it." I mumbled.

Yoruichi got up from the couch and started to rub my bare back. "Hey Bee you should really go sleep in your bed."

"Bee, Bee, buzz, buzz, why don't you buzz out of here and go fuck yourself?" My words seemed to have no affect on her.

"Can you get up?" She asked sweetly.

"Can't….move…mind…is…being…fucked." I said under my breath.

She put her hands under me and scooped me into her arms. I would have protested but the Vicodin was taking a strong hold on me and I was fading fast. She walked us into my room and put me on my bed. She pulled the covers over me and kissed me on the head. Then I was gone.

Yoruichi looked at the passed out girl in front of her. Was this her doing? When she left did it turn Soi Fon into a washed up drunk? Did she really mess her up this bad? She felt the guilt rising, she had to make this right again.

**Soi Fon's Apartment**

**2:47 PM**

**Soi Fon**

I was dreaming about something maybe, but I was almost awake. I felt someone….on top of me and hands on me? The hands were touching my skin. What the hell was this? I shot straight up throwing the person off me. I jumped out of bed and grabbing the lamp I hit them over the head. They fell to the ground, then got back up. I kicked them in the stomach and knocked them over I jumped on top and grabbed their collar with my hands.

"You try to fuck on me?" I yelled.

It was Yoruichi. "No, no, no one is trying to fuck on you!"

"You try to make sex on me?" I screamed back.

"No, no I'm not making sex on you I was trying to wake you up. You have a Captain's meeting at three!" Yoruichi gasped.

I stopped yelling and looked at the clock. 2:47.

"Fuck my ass!" I yelled.

I tripped over Yoruichi and started running for the door.

"Wait Soi Fon what about your clothes?" Yoruichi yelled.

"No time!" I yelled back ripping open the door.

I sprinted out running along the corridors and streets. I was running down a street when I saw Rangiku approaching.

"Good morning Captain!" She greeted me with a warm smile.

I ran past her and then turned around. I pushed up my boobs with my hands and looked at her.

"S-LUT!" I yelled.

Then I turned around and started to run again. Rangiku looked back stunned. I was close I made it to the building and took the steps three at a time. I made to the doors and I burst in with two minutes to spare. All of the captains were already arranged in their spots. All eyes were on me and they looked shocked. I said nothing and took my place on the left side.

Old man Yamamoto entered and began the meeting. It was just simple weekly reports nothing big. But being second squad I was unfortunately going to be one of the very first to report. The squad one captain gave his report and then it was my turn to step forward. I took a deep breath, I couldn't hide this. I stepped forward with no clothes on and sharpie all over me.

"Nothing from squad two sir!"

I was about to step back.

"Hold on one moment captain." Yamamoto spoke deeply.

He moved from his head position, which he never does and walked straight up to me. I gulped and kept my eyes forward not looking at him.

"Let me have a look at you." He started. "Hmm where is your captain's uniform?"

I took a deep breath. "Somewhere Sir."

"Yes and were is Somewhere Captain Fon?" He questioned.

"Not here." I said back.

"So somewhere, but not here. That's odd. And let's look at your chest it says "Fuck Bitches" in sharpie. Do you fuck bitches Soi Fon?"

I had to keep it cool. "No sir I do not fuck bitches."

"Ok and on your stomach it says "Penis in your ass." Did you put your penis in someone's ass Soi Fon?"

I gulped. "No sir I do not have a penis."

"If you had a penis would you put it in someone's ass captain?"

"No sir I would um probably put it in a vagina."

Yamamoto stopped or a minute and spoke again. "Are you a lesbian Soi Fon?"

"Um no sir not a lesbian."

"Then why would you put you hypothetical penis in someone's vagina?"

I had to find a good answer for this one. "Well Sir I was thinking more of like a Mangina."

Yamamoto was silent for a minute. I could tell all of the other captains were desperately holding in their laughter.

"I see thank you very much captain Soi Fon you may resume your place."

I stepped back thankful it was over. I was expecting a punishment obviously, but I guess public embarrassment in front of my peers was how Old Man Yamamoto was going to handle my intolerable actions. I guess I could take it. Although I was never going to hear the end of this from the other captains.

The rest of the meeting went on as usual the rest of the captains giving mediocre reports. When we were dismissed I was happy to get out. Everyone slowly filed out the double doors and I made my way to the balcony. I saw Captain Kyoraku approaching me. Oh god here it comes.

"Well hello there Captain Fon been fucking bitches lately? He laughed.

"Haha very funny you have no idea what kind of night I had, I almost got killed." I retorted.

He cocked his head to the side "Is that so? Anything else?"

I pulled out a cigarette. Kyoraku pulled out his lighter and lit me up.

"Yeah there is more I think I hooked up with a transsexual man."

"Well that is very interesting." He winked.

"It was a little confusing though, I was like what? Am I supposed to put my mouth on that or what's the deal?"

Kyoraku looked puzzled. "Put your mouth on what exactly?"

"That's exactly my point there is nothing there so what exactly do I put my mouth on? Do you feel what I'm saying?" I explained.

"I see." Kyoraku hummed. "I have an idea, since you seem to like drinking so much why don't you come over to my place and have some sake with me?

I shot him a death glare. "False, I will be going nowhere with you fuzzy face. Just because I don't have any pants on doesn't mean you will be getting in them anytime soon."

Kyoraku walked past me waving his hand. "Have it your way. I suppose you could just go home and fuck Yoruich's Mangina with your hypothetical dick."

I threw my cigarette at his back. "You look like a werewolf!"

After my little conversation with Kyoraku I shuffled my way back to my apartment. I walked through the front door and walked into the kitchen to grab a sponge and a beer. Yoruichi heard me and came out of her room.

"How did it go?" She asked.

I walked into the bathroom and started to scrub my chest, Yoruichi followed.

"Oh you know just great, Yamamoto accused me of fucking bitches and asked me if I would put my fake dick in someone's ass in front of everybody."

"Wow public humiliation, that's a hell of a punishment." Yoruichi mused.

I scrubbed on my chest hard and the ink faded into skin. Then I moved to my stomach and scrubbed hard but it really hurt.

"How long until you think everyone will stop making fun of you?" Yoruichi asked.

Something was wrong. I didn't answer.

"Hey Soi I'm talking to yo-"

"Yoruichi something is wrong." I said in a shaky voice.

"What's going on?" She questioned.

I turned around with my hands on my stomach. "This isn't coming off and it hurts."

Yoruichi immediately knelt down and ran her fingers over the ink. "Soi Fon the ink is raised."

"What the hell does that mean." I exclaimed.

"Soi this is a tattoo." Yoruichi whispered.

"Shit…..I am so fucked."


	3. It's called Lesbian

**Soi Fon's Apartment**

**4:22 PM**

**Soi Fon**

"What the hell do you mean it's a tattoo?"

Yoruichi sighed. "The ink is raised you definitely got tattooed last night, although I'm not sure why you would want someone to tattoo "Penis in your ass" on your body."

"Dude I got fucked so hard last night, this sucks."

"Well it's not that big and you could possibly get it removed so it's no big deal for now." Yoruichi said

"I'm going to take a shower and wash my dirty whore-ness down the drain." I said turning on the water.

Yoruichi nodded and walked out of the bathroom. I stripped off my underwear and stepped into the shower and let the hot water run over me. After a horrible night it felt soothing and my muscles relaxed under the heat. I was in for about fifteen minutes when I noticed someone come in the shower behind me I slipped around covering myself.

"Who the fuck? And what the fuck?"

"Hey there I have some great news!" Yoruichi had come into the shower and was currently naked as well trying to have a conversation.

"I don't give a damn, this isn't Girls Gone Wild 2, get the fuck out!"

She totally ignored me. "I just got a hell butterfly, apparently Old Man Yamamoto plans to give me a life time achievement award, and have a ceremony for me!"

I stopped for a minute. "Wow that's actually amazing."

"Such good news isn't it?" Yoruichi came forward with her arms open in an attempt to hug me. My instincts were quick and I shoved her away.

"What's wrong?" She looked hurt.

I was irritated. "Let me explain something to you. We're not going to be hugging all naked and shit rubbing our tiddies together and mixing my milk with your cocoa puff. I've got news for you Yoruichi, this milkshake is not going to bring anyone to the fucking yard. I'm not sure what you brown Shihouin people call it, you little brownies, chocolate chips. But this is what Asian people like me call "Lesbian". This is called lesbian and I'm not going to be lezing out with you. So what you need to do is get the fuck out of my shower and put your damn clothes pack on!"

"Did you call me a brownie?" She looked confused.

"Yes I certainly did, you are a brown person."

"Why did you take off your clothes and come in here?" I asked.

"Well I wanted to tell you the good news but I didn't want to get my clothes wet so I took them off."

I rubbed my head in aggravation. "Did it maybe occur to you to just wait or talk to me outside the shower?"

She rubbed her chin. "Well not really."

"Ok now get out please!"

She snorted at me. "You're mean."

"Fucking muff diver." I muttered.

**5:16 PM**

I finished my shower after some time and then I stepped out and dried. I walked straight to my room and finally got some clothes on. I wasn't really into wearing my captain's uniform when I didn't have to. So I put on jeans that I cut off at the ankles and just a plain black sweatshirt. I opened my door hoping to go out again and get wasted but Yoruichi was standing right in front of me.

"We're going out to dinner." She said firmly.

"No I'm going to get crunk and you're staying here." I retorted.

"Soi Fon we live together but we're total strangers, we should really spend some time together."

"Why? You don't do the things I do there is no point for us to have interaction."

I could see my words stung her a little bit by the expression on her face. But what could I do? Our lives had gone in completely different directions. It was like we couldn't coexist. I wasn't "Bee" anymore, I was a haggard drunk asshole. Yoruichi seemed determined to change that though.

"It's just one dinner." She pleaded.

I threw my head back and sighed. I guess I did need to eat if I was going to drink all night.

"Ok one dinner."

Yoruichi clapped her hands together and smiled. "Alright let's go."

She took my hand and led me out the door and I reluctantly followed. We walked the streets shortly before we found a small place that specialized in Ramen. We were seated shortly in a cozy corner. I didn't bother looking at the menu. I always ordered plain Miso Ramen so it was irrelevant for me to look at the menu.

"Do you know what you're getting?" Yoruichi asked.

I had my head on the table, and I looked up slightly. "Yeah well I get the same shit every time."

"You know you could at least act like your having a good time." Yoruichi said looking at the menu.

"Yeah because this is so much better than getting wasted." I said snidely.

The waiter came and took our order and of course I got and beer. When the brought it to me it was the first thing I put in my mouth.

"Do you ever stop drinking?" Yoruichi looked disgusted.

"That's a stupid question." I said back

The waiter came out with the food and I gave up on talking and stuffed my mouth with food. About half way through the meal Yoruichi tried conversation again.

"So anything new?" She asked quietly.

I swallowed my food. "Well I've been drunk and high since three days after you left so you tell me."

She looked completely caught off guard. "Soi Fon I-I never meant for it to be like that."

"And what exactly was it supposed to be like Yoruichi? You fucked me. You bent me over and fucked me."

"Soi things just got mixed up really bad and I didn't know what to do. I just tried to do what was best."

I could see the sorrow in her eyes. I might have cared 100 years ago, but time turned me into an asshole and I no longer cared about other's feelings, it just annoyed me.

"You know what you're like? You're like an alcoholic dad who leaves their wife and kids and then hangs out at the Indian casino all day long buying cheap vodka and dirty hookers."

She looked at me sadly. "You don't mean that."

I shoved the table straight into Yoruichi's stomach making her gasp. "You should have at least kissed me on the mouth before you left because I like to be kissed on the mouth right before I get FUCKED!"

I stood up and started to walk away. Yoruichi turned around.

"Where are you going?"

I turned to look at her and motioned with my hand to make it look like I was jacking off and then I threw my hand in the air.

"Suck on this!"

"Did you just jack off at me?" Yoruichi looked pissed.

"Yup, and I came all over your face!"

Yoruichi's face was agape.

I put my shades on and turned my back to her waving my hand. "So long gay girl."

**Soi Fon's Apartment**

**11:14 AM**

I inhaled deeply. I think I smell Febreeze? That's right I'm on the carpet. I was face down, so I lifted my head. Blinking a couple of times I looked around. I was in my apartment. I guess I made it home from my binge last night. I had a blanket on. I guess Yoruichi must have put it over me. Then there was heavy pounding on the door.

My head throbbed, the noise made it hurt. Who was here this early anyway? I wasn't expecting anybody. I heard Yoruichi come out of her room and answer the door. The voice sounded familiar. I managed to pull myself up and went to the door. It was Ichigo!

"Hi there Soi Fon, good morning!"

His greeting was startling and simply grunted in response. He gave me a strange look and turned his attention back to Yoruichi.

"So yeah Urahara was the one that told me about your award, word travels fast you know."

"Well thank you for coming to congratulate me." Yoruichi said humbly.

"But that's not all I came here for." Ichigo chimed holding up a finger.

He pulled out what looked like tickets out of his back pocket.

"Urahara and I thought it would be fun for us to celebrate your accomplishment with a trip to San Diego California. Urahara is coming, so am I, Rukia, Byakuya, and Soi Fon of course."

"Oh my that's so nice of you." Yoruichi exclaimed

"Will there be rum?" I asked.

"Of course." Ichigo confirmed.

I smiled. "So when do we leave?"

_I shoot the lights out,_

_Hide till it's bright out_

_ Whoa just another lonely night _

_Are you willing to sacrifice your life?_

_Bitch I'm a monster no good blood sucker_

_Fat mother fucker now look who's in trouble_

_As you run through my jungle all you hear is rumbles_

_Kanye West sample, here's one for example_

_Gossip gossip_

_Niggas just stop it_

_Everybody know I'm a mother fuckin monster_

_Ima need to see your fuckin hands and the concert_

_Ima need to see your fuckin hands at the concert_

_Profit profit nigga I got it_

_Ima need to see your fuckin hands at the concert_

_Ima need to see your fuckin hands_


	4. Fuck Face

**Soi Fon's Apartment**

**9:17 AM**

I was tired and hung over as usual. It wasn't like me to be up this early but we were leaving for the trip to San Diego at 11:00. I was busy putting a few clothes in my bag I really didn't need that much it was only going to be a two day trip. I needed a little pick me up so I took out my little bag and sprinkled some coke on the back of my hand. I put it up to my nose and inhaled hard. I felt it hit me immediately. Man that's the stuff.

Yoruichi popped her head in my room. "You ready?"

I zipped my bag shut. "Yeah I'm ready."

We picked up our bags and headed out the door. The gate would be opening soon and it would be bad if we were late. We walked steadily to main gate of the soul society. As we approached I saw a few soul reapers including Omaeda waiting for us.

"Hey captain, I hope you have a good trip, I'm going to miss you!" Omaeda said in a deep voice.

I glared at him. "False I will not miss you, you are fat and dumb."

Omaeda smiled. "Man I just love your sense of humor!"

"Incorrect, that was not a joke I actually think you are an asshole."

"Ah captain I just love you!" Omaeda said happily.

What an idiot. It was almost impossible to insult him.

Almost as if on cue the gate appeared and started to open.

"Here we go." Yoruichi announced.

"Yippee." I muttered and we walked through the gate.

And just like that we were in Urahara's shop within seconds. Urahara, Ichigo, Rukia, and Byakuya were all waiting for us. Urahara seemed ecstatic to see us.

"Hello, hello glad you made it in time! Glad to see you Yoruichi!" He reached over and hugged Youichi and then pulled away.

"Good to see you Soi Fon!"

I disgracefully spit my chewing tobacco on the shiny wood floor. "Good to see you to fuck face."

Urahara smiled uneasily. "Ok well then shall we get our bags in the car and head for Tokyo Airport?"

Everyone agreed and we started to pack the car. I spit into my chewing tobacco cup.

"Hey what's that stuff?" Ichigo asked.

"Chewing tobacco, have some." Ichigo opened his mouth and I put some in the side of his cheek."

"Would you stop ruining him." Rukia spoke up.

"Like you don't do sketchy shit princess?" Rukia gulped and quickly turned away.

Byakuya looked confused but said nothing. We finished packing the car and then we all hoped in and started the drive to Tokyo.

15 minutes into the drive Ichigo was reading aloud a pamphlet he had gotten about San Diego.

"So there's this place called "Old Town" all about Mexican heritage in San Diego because I guess San Diego used to be part of Mexico." Ichigo said aloud.

"That sounds like something fun to visit." Rukia chimed in.

"I wouldn't mind spending some time there." Byakuya agreed.

"It's too bad San Diego still isn't part of Mexico." I said.

"Why's that?" Byakuya asked."

"Because they do crazy shit down there. For example did you know the have shows where girls can shoot ping pong balls out of their pussies."

"How is that even possible?" Ichigo asked.

"Honestly I don't know. I tried to do it once and I lost the ball up there for like a week and when it finally came out I thought I was laying an egg."

Ichigo thought for a minute. "What else can they do?"

"Well I've heard they can also open a beer bottle with a pussy."

"Have you tired that one?"

"No I haven't but I can try right now if you want."

Ichigo began to look through the bag of drinks that they had brought for the drive. I was sitting in the back next to Byakuya and I started to undo my belt.

What the hell are you doing?" Byakuya yelled.

"I'm serving drinks with my pussy." I answered

Yoruichi flipped around from her seat in the front with Urahara. "Hey we're not going to be shoving anything up our vaginas or assholes knock it the fuck off!"

"Cunt shitter!" I yelled back

We arrived at the airport after and hour and a half. We paid for parking and unloaded our bags and started to go through security. We were in line and I felt the balloon of coke in my pocket and I knew I had to do something with it. So I pulled Rukia to the side.

"What is it?" Rukia asked.

I took out the balloon. "I'm going to need you to shove this up your asshole."

Rukia looked at the balloon and then at me.

"Forget it asshole, just throw it away."

"I thought you might say that, and this is what I have to say. If you don't do this I'm going to let your precious brother know that you do ecstasy on the weekends.

Rukia stared at me. "You wouldn't."

"I would, now shove it please." I held out the balloon.

She took it from my hand and walked to the side of the line. Reaching down behind her jeans she seem to be shoving the balloon up her ass. When she was done she awkwardly walked back to her place in the line.

"You know what I like about you Rukia you're a real team player." I smiled.

"I hope someone fucks you in the face." She shot back.

We luckily made it through security with no problems. Rukia continued to walk awkwardly with the balloon up her ass. We made our way to the American Airlines terminal and waited for the flight to board. I went to a little store and bought a water sitting back down I opened a medication bottle and took out a few perkaset. I washed them back with the water. Hopefully I would feel it soon.

"Now boarding flight 477 to San Diego."

We all got up and got in line. Handing over our tickets we boarded the plane. Here we go!

_Diamonds all on my ring nigga_

_Gold watches, gold chain nigga _

_Hundred thousand champagne nigga_

_Yeah my money insane nigga_

_Yeah I'm makin it rain nigga_

_But I was just on the plane nigga_

_Buying gear, flying here_

_Fuck what you heard it my time of year_

_If Im in the club I get one hundred stacks_

_I'm rolling so I get love for that_

_Them niggas stole my swag but I don't want it back_

_My nigga uh! I was on this but now I'm onto that_

_You see it in my closet before it's on the rack_

_Was out there in Hawaii, now Im goin back_

_My nigga uh! I got so much money I should start a bank_

_So much paper right in front of me it's hard to think_

_Buy so may bottles it's gonna be hard to drink_

_But I'm still pourin up and my family here and they rollin _

_up so uh!_


	5. Hand Sex

**San Diego**

**8:55 PM**

We touched down in San Diego with no problems. I didn't remember the flight at all because the drugs had knocked me out. We walked off the plane and into the terminal. Rukia said she had to go to the bathroom. This was my chance so I discreetly followed her.

She entered the bathroom and went into the stall. I caught the door and went into the stall with her.

"What the hell are you doing?" She demanded.

I pulled a glove over my hand. "Turn around and take off your pants."

"Hell no, I'm not giving it to you!"

"No need to make things difficult sweetie." I shoved her against the wall face first.

"Get the fuck off of me psycho!"

I held my arm against her back and slightly took down her pants. Then with my gloved hand I shoved two fingers into her ass. She screamed out.

"Shut up and stop moving I can't get a hold on it."

Then I finally got the tiny balloon with my fingers and drew it out. She stopped struggling and drew a sigh of relief. I put the balloon in my pocket and discarded the glove. Then Rukia pulled up her pants and flipped around.

"What the hell? You just fucked me with your hand!"

"Oh I'm sorry did you want me to take you to dinner first?

"Rape….Rape, rape you just raped me!" She yelled

"It's not rape if you agree to it."

"I did not agree to your hand up my ass!"

"In a sense you did, you agreed to carry my drugs, so that means you also agree to return them to me which means my hand up your ass."

"This is total bullshit, get out!"

"Fine I have what I want, feel free to take a piss now." I waved her off and exited the bathroom stall.

I rejoined the group outside and soon Rukia followed. We went out to the rental car area and picked up our car and headed for the hotel. On the way there I flipped through my soul phone looking through messages. Yoruichi looked over and saw my wallpaper.

"Is that a picture of you and Aizen?" She asked

"Yeah we went to Tokyo one time and got super smashed." I said back.

"Soi Fon Aizen is an international criminal and public enemy number 1 in the soul society, what if you got caught hanging out with him?

"Whatever I don't really give a shit anyways."

We arrived at the hotel. Urahara took a room with Ichigo, Byakuya with Rukia and I was stuck with Yoruichi again.

We were busy unpacking when a knock came at the door. It was everyone else.

"Come on there's a bon fire down at the beach and night surfing let's go!"

We forgot what we were doing and followed them down to the beach. There were lots of people surfing and enjoying the fires. We started our own private fire and Urhara pulled out a bottle of Jaeger and some shot glasses.

"Yeah let's get a little party going!" Ichigo exclaimed.

Urhara filled the glasses and handed them out. We held our glasses in the air.

Byakuya spoke up. "To Yoruichi and her years of service to the soul society!"

"CHEERS!"

_First things first we been rippin_

_Get it in, cudder_

_Niggas know the name it's none other_

_I know you know me, the double O repper_

_Do you step a gun toter nana, smoke kusher_

_I know you lovin how I do it when I switch up the nizzame_

_Skinny nigga diggy in ya city getting chizzange_

_Like I'm Carmelo meet me in the gizzame_

_Yammin on ya sucka niggas yammin on these hoes_

_Roll swishers in the whip, with the pistol quick _

_As now whisky motherfucka, we up in this bitch_

_Hoes love cudder smooth duder, cudua_

_I am climbing, I am climbing, and I know why _

**Unknown Location**

**10:09 AM**

I rolled over in my sheets. My whole body was in pain, but the worst was my head. My hand wandered. I felt another body? I was in bed with someone. I opened my eyes and in my blurry vision I saw deep purple hair. Most likely Yoruichi. I sat up moaning there were bandages around my head, dried blood on my face.

My white button up shirt was open revealing my bra. I looked down and my pants were around my ankles. I looked over at Yoruichi and noticed her pants were at her ankles as well exposing her chocolate skin. That's when I knew.

"No…No, no, no, no, no, fucking shit, no!"

I fell off the bed scrambling to pick my pants up.

"This isn't happening, make it go away, make it go away!" I shut my eyes holding my throbbing head in my hands.

Then I heard moans coming from the bathroom, I ran to it. It was Urahara curled up in the bathtub without pants on. He also seemed to be bleeding from the head.

"Kisuke! Kisuke! Wake up!"

He stirred and opened his eyes.

"What's that now?"

"Something horrible just happened!"

"Hmmm yeah?"

"I think Yoruichi and I had hand sex last night!"

That seemed to perk him up.

"You guys did what?"

"I think we made hand sex."

"What the hell is hand sex?"

"You know it's that thing lesbians do, they fuck on each other with their mouths and hands."

Urahara started to laugh hysterically and it didn't look like he was stopping anytime soon.

"Hahahahaha you guys made a hand fuck party, that's hilarious, hahahaha!"

"Shut up, this is fucking serious! I put my hand in my mentor's pikachu, that is not funny."

"Oh yes it is, I'm texting everyone!" Urahara pulled out a phone and started typing.

"Kisuke if you send that message I will rape you in the face and I swear to God I will cum in your mouth!"

"Too bad I already hit send." He retorted.

That's when I lost it. I yelled like a monkey and threw him to the bathroom floor. Then I got on top of him straddling his upper body. I started to undo my belt.

"Open your mouth now!"

He screamed. "No! Get off me you crazy wench!"

"I said open it!"

"Stop taking off your pants!"

"Open your fucking mouth."

"What the hell is going on in here?" Yoruichi stood in the doorway. Luckily her pants were on. Her shirt was open like mine revealing her upper body.

"She's trying to put her lady jizz in my mouth!" Urahara whined.

Yoruichi gave me a shocked look. I was caught.

"That is absolutely not what I'm doing!" I defended myself.

I got off Urahara and Yoruichi went to the main room to look out the window.

I looked at Urahara. "Pull that shit again and I will rape you so hard you have no idea."

Urahara crossed his arms. "Oh really, with what?"

I held up my fist. "With this, I'll shove the whole thing in, no lube no mercy."

"Well it's nice to know you're a rapist Soi Fon."

"I'm not a rapist, but cross me again and I will rape you."

"Hey guys come look at this!" Yoruichi yelled from the other room

Urahara and I walked over to the window where Yoruichi was standing and looked out. Crowded houses and buildings all built on top of each other stretched for miles. The streets were busy with traffic. Old busted up cars, taxies and even some livestock.

"Where the hell are we?" Urahara whispered.

"Definitely not San Diego." Yoruichi answered.

That's when I noticed something about Yoruichi.

"Oh my God." I laughed pointing at Yoruichi.

"What?" She asked

Urahara started laughing to.

"Go look in the mirror just please don't freak out ok?"

Yoruichi walked swiftly to the bathroom mirror and screamed. There was a butterfly design tattoo on her face.

"What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?"

"I think it adds a nice touch." I chimed in.

"No it doesn't how am I supposed to accept an award looking like this?"

Then there was moving that broke our attention and something making a sound underneath what seemed like large pillows and blankets. Then a man stood up.

"What the-?" Yoruichi couldn't finish what she was saying.

It was Aizen standing completely naked with his underwear at his feat. I noticed he did have an incredibly small dick to.

"Hey what's up niggas!"

Everyone was quiet and completely stunned.

Aizen laughed "You guys are all so quiet still hung over yes?"

Aizen pulled up his underwear and grabbed a robe to put on.

"Excuse me but how is it there you're here and where the hell are we?" Yoruichi asked.

Aizen sat down on the couch and opened a bag of coke.

"Come on Soi I know you want in on this come sit down".

I need a little something so I sat down next to him. Yoruichi looked thoroughly disappointed.

"Soi Fon texted me last night, said you were in San Diego and wanted to party, so we came down here to Mexico to get our freak on."

Yoruichi gasped. "We're in Mexico?

"Mexico City." He answered.

Aizen cut the coke into two lines one for me and one for him.

"You're crazy mother fucker Yoruichi, but that freaky fuck Byakuya was outta his mind, man I just love you guys!" Aizen said rolling up a dollar bill.

I rolled up a dollar bill as well and we both bent over and did our lines. When Aizen was finished he put his bill down.

"Ok you guys ready for the craziest fucking story ever?"

Aizen stopped and his eyes rolled back in his head. He fell face first into the coffee table….dead.


	6. Pussy Town

**Mexico City Hotel**

**10:32 AM**

"Oh my God. What the Fuck? What the Fuck?" Urahara screamed.

"Oh my God he's fucking dead. Help! Help! Help!" Yoruichi yelled.

I silenced her putting my hand over her mouth. "Shut the fuck up! Do you really want someone to come into here to find a dead body, the three of us and a pile of cocaine? That's a one way ticket to jail dumbass!"

"Well then what do we do? We can't just leave a dead body up here."

"Let me think. Let me think." I rubbed my head.

I snapped my fingers. "I've got it, there should be a kitchen down stairs so why don't we put him in one of those industrial sized freezers?"

"That could work." Yoruichi said back.

We put a sheet over Aizen and started to carry him to the bottom floor when we got the hotel kitchen I looked through the window to make sure no one was around. The coast was clear so we walked the body into the kitchen and found the freezer. We set him inside shut the door and locked it. Then we exited the kitcken.

"We got to go back up and find Byakuya, Aizen said he was with us last night. So he's probably still in the room." Urahara stated.

We all agreed and went back to the room. We began to search tearing the whole place apart. I noticed a sign that said first aid was available on odd number floors but that didn't make much sense to me.

Urahara opened the closet and standing inside was a 4 year old boy dressed in a circus uniform. "Oh hey little boy you look so cute in your little outfit-Oww!"

The little boy had punched him in the face.

"What's going on over there?" Yoruichi asked.

"I found a little boy in the closet." Urahara said holding his face.

I was searching through pillows and blankets when I found something. "Hey guys."

"What?" They both asked.

I held out a bloody shirt. "This is Byakuya's shirt."

Yoruichi walked over to examine it. "There's a lot of blood and it looks like there's a stab hole in it.

"Byakuya was stabbed?" Urahara guessed.

"It looks like it." Yoruichi mused.

"If that's true he's seriously hurt or dying somewhere, we need to find him now!" I said.

We all agreed and went down outside with the little circus boy to find a place to have breakfast and plan our next move.

We walked outside into the dusty streets looking for a bite to eat.

"Let's go there!" Urahara pointed.

There was a large sign on the side of a strip club that said "Comida" in big letters."

Yoruichi sighed. "Fine"

We walked into the strip club and ordered food. We sat by the stage and Kisuke watched in awe as naked girls danced in front of him. Yoruichi payed no attention, as she was busy scribbling notes down onto a napkin. The little boy was chewing on some Mexican candy. I put a little chew in my mouth and spit into my empty cup, watching along with Kisuke.

"How do they do this?" Kisuke asked not looking away from the nude girls.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"They're mother fucking butt ass naked, with mother fucking Jimmy Choo's on, who taught them how to do that?" Kisuke said staring.

"Yeah it's like their pussy game is on a whole new level."

"Yeah but who did that? How did their pussy game come up?"

"I bet if you fucked their pussy you'd be fucking parts of pussy you'd never fucked before. You'd be in there and then it would be like "Shit! I've never been here before! I have never even been to this part of pussy town before." You know what I mean?"

"Yeah it's like they got their pussies reupholstered or some shit like that. Who the fuck reupholstered their pussies like this?"

"I wonder what pussy town looks like? I wonder if there's a Starbucks there? Hey Yoruichi do you have a Starbucks in your pussy town?"

Yoruichi looked up from her napkin and glared at me. "No Soi Fon I do not have a Starbucks inside of my vagina, now both of you cut it out and listen up!"

She put the napkin down in front of us. "Ok it all starts at 10:15 we were drinking by the bon fire. I assume something was put in our drinks because I remember nothing. Then we woke up here around 10. That gives us about a 12 hour time lapse in which we need to fill details so we can find Byakuya so I thought we should all empty our pockets and see what we find."

We all reached in and threw our pocket contents on the table.

"I've got a text from Aizen at 10:46 "On my way niggas." Not very helpful I guess." I said.

"I've got nothing." Yoruichi said.

"Here's something. I have a free beer coupon for Jose's Cantina, and there's a stamp on it."

I lit up a cigarette. "Looks like we're going to Jose's Cantina

* * *

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	7. Gay Mike Tyson

**Mexico City**

**11:17 AM**

We were finishing eating our breakfast when my phone started to buzz.

"Who is that?" Kisuke asked.

I looked at my phone and it said Ichigo Kurosaki.

"It's Ichigo." I said flipping open my phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey Soi Fon it's Ichigo I was wondering if you and Yoruichi wanted to come and have brunch with me."

"Ichigo where the hell are you?"

"I'm in my hotel room where else would I be?"

"OK good that's a relief." I sighed.

"Soi Fon wher are you guys? Urahara didn't come back lat night I'm a little worried."

"Ichigo something happened."

"What are you talking about what happened?"

"Ichigo we're in Mexico City."

"What? How the hell did you get all the way out there?"

"I don't really know, none of us can remember anything. I think we were drugged."

"That's crazy. How are you going to get back?"

"See that's the thing we can't come back yet, we lost Byakuya."

"You did what?"

"Byakuya is missing and we have to find him. We can't just leave him in a foreign country we have no idea where he is or what happened to him."

"I'll try calling local hospitals in the area and get back to you maybe he's in one of those."

"Ok just do me a favor and please don't tell Rukia she'll freak out if she finds out we lost her brother."

"Ok I'll tell her you guys went on a fishing trip and then I'll call you back."

"Thanks bye."

I closed my phone and looked up at Yoruichi and Kisuke.

"Ichigo and Rukia are fine, they weren't drugged last night."

"Well that's good news." Kisuke chimed.

"Ok look I got a map of the city so we can find Jose's Cantina." Yoruichi showed us a map.

"It's about 12 miles away so I think we should take a cab."

"Sounds fine to me." I got up.

We all went outside and hailed a cab.

**Jose's Cantina**

**11:23 AM**

We arrived on the little street that Jose's Cantina was located on. To our surprise everything was torn to shit. Several businesses were burnt. Debris lay in the street everywhere. There were workers here and there cleaning up the streets. We found Jose's Cantina but it was burnt and completely empty like a ghost town. We walked down the trashed street further and I spotted a tattoo shop and a familiar picture.

"Hey Yoruichi isn't that you?" I asked pointing at the picture.

There was a picture of Yoruichi smiling with her new tattoo on her face.

She looked closely. "Yeah that is me!"

We all filed into the tattoo shop and saw a medium sized Mexican man giving a tattoo to a child in the back.

"Hello." I said nervously.

The man looked up. "Haha look it's Yoruichi, how do you like the tattoo you crazy mother fucker"

I laughed. "Yeah you're not pussy face anymore you're like a faggot Mike Tyson!"

Yoruichi glared at me. "Yeah I actually hate the tattoo thank you very much."

The man snorted at her. "No refunds get the fuck out."

Kisuke intervened. "We don't want a refund, we're just having trouble remembering what happened here last night and we were hoping you could help us out."

The man looked perplexed. "You're fucking serious? You remember nothing?"

We all shook our heads.

"There was another guy with you last night, he was a real crazy fuck."

"That's Byakuya! He's missing we're trying to find him!" Yoruichi exclaimed.

"Yeah anyway that crazy mother fucker was out of his mind twacked. He started a fight with a couple of guys at Jose's Cantina and it broke out into a riot. The police came a started throwing gas bombs and that's when people started lighting shit on fire. I didn't want you guys to get caught so I took you and hid you here in my shop until everything cleared out. That's when purple head princess decided to get a tattoo on her face. You screamed like a little bitch to. This little kid has bigger balls than you do."

"Thank you very much what time do you think all of this happened?" I asked

"I'd say around midnight." He said

We all thanked the tattoo artist and exited the shop. When we got outside my phone started to buzz again.

I flipped open my phone.

"Ichigo?"

"Yeah it's me. I have good news."

"Ok give it to me."

"I know where Byakuya is. I checked all pleces in Mexico City and it turns out he got arrested last night. He's being held at the Mexico City County Jail. Mexican Police only take ransomes and they want 5,000."

"Don't worry I've got it covered."

"Ok call me when you have him."

"I will."

I closed my phone.

"Good news guys. Ichigo found Byakuya he's being held in jail. The police want 5,000 dollars for his release."

"Shit how are we going to get that money?" Yoruichi asked.

I smiled. "Are you forgetting I recently robbed some drug dealers? I have 20,000 I can easily bust Byakuya out!"

Kisuke and Yoruichi smiled. "Let's do it!"

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	8. Pussy Pirate

**Mexico City **

**11:42 AM**

I made sure I had all my drug money in my pocket. Then we went out to the street to get another cab. A rusty old yellow car pulled up and we all crammed in. Kisuke had the little circus boy sit on his lap.

I flipped open my phone again.

"Ok the name of the jail he's being held at is called Reclusorio Norte." I said reading my phone.

"Well that's a weird name." Kisuke pointed out.

"It's Mexico, everything here is a little strange." I retorted.

The cab driver stepped on the gas and we were off.

We arrived at the men's jail 6 minutes later. We walked up the steps and entered into the main waiting room. Since I was the one who had the money I went to the window.

I approached an officer behind a glass partition.

"Umm English?" I asked.

The man nodded. "Yes."

"Ok yeah I'm here to get out a friend of mine, he was arrested last night."

"Name?"

"Byakuya Kuchiki."

The officer went to the back for a minute and then returned with a small file. He opened it in front of me.

"Your friend has committed many crimes, destruction of public property, drunk in public, and resisting arrest."

What the fuck was Byakuya thinking? Crazy mother fucker.

"How can I make this all go away?"

"5,000 cash and we all forget, otherwise he stay in jail."

I drew my cash wad from my pocket and picked out 5,000 and handed it over. The officer took it from me and handed the file to another officer who disappeared. I stood and waited. The door to the jail buzzed and an officer rolled out a small Mexican man in tribal clothing on a wheel chair. The man was extremely old and seemed like he was missing teeth. I stood in front of him confused.

I went back to the window. "Hey who the hell is this?"

"That is Byakuya Kuchiki and here are his wallet and ID cards." The officer handed me a wallet and two ID cards.

I looked at the cards and they both had Byakuya's picture on it. One was his soul society identification card and the other was his Karakura town DMV ID card.

I slammed the ID card against the window.

"Does that guy in the wheel chair look like he's 6'2 from Karakura Japan?" I yelled.

"Not my problem, that is who we arrested and those are the ID we found."

"This is bullshit! I want my money back now!"

"Now refunds asshole."

The officer closed his little window and walked away. I looked at the toothless old man. He got out of the wheel chair and smiled at me.

Yoruichi and Kisuke came up to me.

"Who the hell is this?" Kisuke asked.

"According to Mexico City PD its Byakuya."

"Well what the hell are we supposed to do with him?" Yoruichi asked.

I rubbed my head. "I need to think let's just go outside and mull things over."

We all decided to go outside and get something to drink. Everyone got Mexican sodas but I was withdrawing so I got a fifth of rum and mixed it with a soda.

We all sat on a wall outside and I paced back and forth sipping my alcohol trying to think of what to do next. Yoruichi was on her phone trying to do a little research and Kisuke wa just hanging out with the kid.

"God Dammit what the fuck do we do now?" I yelled.

"Nice going Soi fon you got the wrong Byakuya." Kisuke snorted.

"Shut up asshole you've done absolutely nothing this whole time and I just lost 5,000 dollars!"

"Oh I'm so sorry you lost your drug money pussy pirate."

"What the fuck did you just call me?"

"I called you a pussy pirate because you love pussy, especially Yoruichi's pussy. Tastes good doesn't it muff diver?"

Yoruichi's head snapped up.

"What the hell are you to yelling about?" She demanded

"Yeah that's right Soi Fon why don't you tell Yoruichi all about it." Kisuke teased.

I glared at him. "If you say one word I swear to god I will rape you right here on the ground in front of everyone, and I don't care who watches."

Kisuke looked at Yoruichi. "You and Soi Fon had a little fuck party last night and you both sucked on each others pussies. "

I yelled and jumped on top of Kisuke trying to pull down his pants.

"I'm going to fucking rape your ass!" I yelled.

"Help get her off of me!" He screamed.

Yoruichi grabbed a hold of me and dragged me off of Kisuke.

"What the fuck you guys need to pull your fucking shit together now!" Yoruichi screamed.

Myself and Kisuke were on the ground panting.

"Well what are we supposed to do?" I breathed.

"I found some information on my phone and I think this man is Aztec. There are several Aztec villages outside Mexico City. So I think we should return him home and see if we can get any info."

We all agreed and started asking locals about the nearest village. Once we got directions we hitched a ride on a truck and started our journey to the village.

**Aztec Village**

**2:17 PM**

We arrived at a small rural village after riding for about an hour. We hoped off the truck with the child and the old man and we started to walk down a muddy path to the village. As soon as we approached a middle aged man came up to us and greeted the old man warmly. Then out of nowhere he began to his us with a walking stick.

"Wack, wack, wack, OWW- wack."

I fell to the ground and yelled. "Ok time out, time out! Stop hitting us!"

The man stopped and looked at me. "You kidnap high priest!"

I got back up again. "Look whatever happened here last night I'm very sorry, but we were drugged and none of us can remember anything could you help us?"

The man looked at all of us and Yoruichi and Kisuke nodded their heads.

He cleared his throat. "You all climb village wall last night screaming about pussy."

I tried hard to stifle my laugh.

"Then you come inside the temple and you steal our priest."

The man pointed at Kisuke.

"You said he was your lucky charm and that you wanted to put him in your pocket."

Kisuke started to laugh a little and Yoruichi punched him in the side.

"The Gods say that every memory comes from within come to the temple." The man motioned for us to follow him.

We walked inside a small temple some of the priests were burning incense and offering sacrifice.

We all took our seats in front of the alter and closed our eyes. We sat there for almost 15 minutes. Then all of the sudden Kisuke stood up.

"You guys I've got it!" He eclaimed.

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	9. What what in the butt?

**Aztec Village **

**2:33 PM**

"You guys I've got it!" Kisuke exclaimed.

"Shhh." One of the priests whispered.

Kisuke motioned for us to follow him outside.

"What's going on?" Yoruichi asked.

"I remember something from last night." Kisuke said excitedly.

"Ok lay it on us." I said.

"It was "Zona Rosa" we were there last night."

"What the hell is that?" I asked.

"Well it's this area that's filled with all kinds of strip clubs."

Yoruichi smacked herself in the head. "I can't believe I was at a strip club last night."

"What's the matter? Don't want to admit you like young girls?" I remarked snidely.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" She glared.

"Don't play innocent eyes with me cum waffle. I saw the way you used to stare when I was a teenager. You like fresh meant don't you, sick pervert?"

Yoruichi gave me the death stare. "I did no such thing, I was nothing but kind, and I always looked out for you. I did what was best."

"You mean you did what was best when you ditched me in the dead of the night for this freak in the hat?"

Kisuke intervened. "Hey this hat is designer!" How dare you?"

Yoruichi looked genuinely hurt. "Soi fon if you would just give me one chance to explain maybe you would understand."

"I would understand nothing pussy bitch, maybe we should have gone to dinner before you left because I like to wine and dine right before I get FUCKED IN THE ASSHOLE!" I yelled.

"I feel like I'm in an unrated episode of The L Word." Kisuke sighed.

This time Yoruichi and I both yelled. "WE ARE NOT LESBIANS!"

Kisuke crossed his arms. "Sure you're both so fucking straight that you both ate each other's muff last night."

I held out my fist. "What did I say about talking about that kind of shit butt pirate?"

"Please don't put your fist in my ass." Kisuke begged.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Yoruichi yelled. "We need to pull this shit together so we can find Byakuya!"

"So it looks like we're going to Zona Rosa." I stated.

Yoruichi started walking. "Yeah let's get back on the truck and head to Mexico City."

**Zona Rosa**

**3:42 PM**

We took the truck back into Mexico City and then hoped a red taxi to Zona Rosa. When we arrived we were surrounded by various strip clubs and sex shops. We walked through the streets trying to find something familiar. Then suddenly Kisuke stopped in his tracks.

He pointed. "It's this one, we were here last night for sure."

He was pointing at a very sketchy and dirty looking strip club called Las Chicas Del Tio Pepe." We all stood for a minute sizing it up, and then we decided to walk inside. On the inside all the walls were glass and there where several strippers dancing on tables. The music was pumping very loud and it was hard to hear anything.

Then we heard a voice over the music. "Yo, can I help you?"

I turned and froze in my tracks. What the fuck? It was Gin Ichimaru.

"What's up?" He asked casually.

I could barely speak.

We all approached the counter where he was standing.

"Hey Gin." I said.

"Hey yourself Soi Fon you guys are late."

"Late for what?" I asked.

Gin reached behind the counter and pulled out a large box. He set it down in front of us and opened it. Inside was an assortment of several grenades.

"What the fuck is this?" I was stunned.

"Aizen ordered this last night when you guys were here, I give you very good price 7,000 dollars."

"Whoa cool." Kisuke picked up one of the grenades.

When he picked up the grenade the ring fell off and our eyes went wide.

I put my hands up. "What the fuck Kisuke?"

"Holy fuck what do I do?"

Yoruichi pointed to the door. "Run and throw it outside!"

Kisuke ran through the door and ran back inside. A second later there was a loud explosion that shook the whole building. Glass fell from the ceiling and all the girls started to scream. Then the shaking stopped quickly.

"Is everyone ok?" Gin shouted.

Most of the girls nodded their heads or said yes.

"Ok now get the fuck back to work I'm not paying you for shit!" He barked.

The music picked back up and all of the girls started to dance again.

I turned back to Gin. "Look Gin this is Aizen's business, I'm not buying these grenades."

He shut the box. "Fine but if he keeps fucking up with me it's going to be bad news or him and for you guys."

"Why us we didn't do anything."

"You have to understand Soi Fon it's business."

I shook my head. "Look the real reason I'm here is because I'm looking for a man."

"I can get you a man, 21 is a good price but if you want him 16 then the price goes up."

"No, not a prostitute, we're looking for Byakuuya, was he here last night?"

"Yeah he was here. Raging fucking manic. You should talk to Maria Melocotones, you spent most of your time with her last night."

"Is she in?" I asked.

"Yeah she's getting ready for her shift in the back go talk to her."

I shook Gin's hand and then we all headed to the back.

"Maria?" I asked loudly.

I was in a dressing room full of strippers. One of them heard me and waved her hand. We walked over and sat down in front of her.

"Are you Maria Melocotones?" I inquired.

The woman nodded. She had long black hair, most likely a weave. She wore too much make up that covered up her dark brown eyes.

"I am Maria, you missed me didn't you Soi Fon?" She smiled

"So you remember us?" Yoruichi asked.

Maria winked. "How could I forget you Yoruichi we spent all night in the champagne room."

I got back to the point. "Maria do you remember a very tall Japanese man that was with us last night?"

"Oh that was Byakuya I dance for him, he like that."

"Ok around what time was that?"

"I'm so sorry I don't know sometime in the early morning."

I scribbled some notes down on a piece of paper.

"So Maria what exactly did we do in the champagne room?" Yoruichi asked nervously.

"Oh you know we have a little fun. You drink I dance for you. You were so cute, follow me all night and ask me to marry you."

Yoruichi's eyes went wide. "We didn't actually get married did we?"

"Oh no silly we make love, I drop load in your butt and you drop load in my mouth."

"Don't you mean you dropped your load in my mouth? Because we're both girls."

"No I drop load in your butt."

Thats when Maria stood up and her robe fell open revealing two tits and one enormous cock.

"Honey this is Mexico anything is possible."

Yoruichi fell out of her chair and started heaving. I was trying my best to hold in my laughter.

"Oh don't worry Yoruichi it was passionate we both drop load at same time and it was so beautiful you cry."

Yoruichi said nothing and continued to heave on the floor.

I got up and thanked Maria then I dragged Yoruichi to her feet and we all went outside.

Yoruichi started to cry. "I made love to a girl with a penis!"

I put my hands on her shoulders. "Look Yoruichi this kind of stuff just goes away we forget about it and it just fades away. I fucked a tranny man once and I just forget about it. We can just forget about these things.

Yoruichi sniffled. "I really goes away?"

While I was trying to calm Yoruichi down I barely noticed Kisuke singing to himself.

_I said what what in the butt_

_I said what what in the butt_

_I said what what in the butt_

_You wanna do it in my butt_

_In my butt_

_You wanna do it in my butt _

_In my butt_

_Let's do it in the butt OK_

_I will give you what you need _

_All I want is your big fat seed_

_Give it to me_

_If you please-_

"Kisuke will you shut the fuck up your not helping at all." I yelled.

Just then two guys on motorcycles pulled up and the men riding them pulled out guns. The one on the left pointed to the circus boy.

"Give us the boy!" said the one on the left.

"No." Kisuke yelled.

"Kisuke are you crazy give them the boy!"

Kisuke stomped the ground. "God Dammit!"

Kisuke led the boy over to one of the motorcycles. The man picked him up and put him in front. They revved their engines and turned around.

"Wait! Could you tell us if you've seen a friend of ours his name is Byakuya."

"Fuck off!" Then the man shot me.

I flew backwards and hit the ground. I grabbed my shoulder and started yelling.

"Oh my God he fucking shot me Ahhhhhh!"

Yoruichi ran up to me and took me into her arms. She held me close trying to comfort my pain.

"Shh it's ok your going to be fine." She cooed in my ear.

"Fucking dammit it hurts!"

She ran a hand through my hair. "I know just hang on."

I buried my head into her chest and closed my eyes.

**Review if you like it :) and a special thanks to ximenasr9 for giving me some good references!**


	10. Ugly Fucks

**Hospital Angeles de las Lomas **

**4:18 PM**

"GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER." I yelled.

The doctor was currently digging around in the hole in my shoulder trying to extract the bullet. Yoruichi was holding my hand and I was squeezing it hard. A few more moves and the doctor pulled out a tiny lead bullet held in what looked like long tweezers. I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"There we go, that wasn't so bad." Yoruichi ruffled my hair like she used to when I was young.

My breathing was shallow. "Apparently people like to shoot me."

The doctor came back in and started to stitch me up. He didn't speak a word of English but at least it looked like he knew what he was doing. He finished his work and then we were done.

We paid for the work at the front desk and then we went to sit back down in the lobby.

"We're all good it was just a shoulder wound." I said sitting across from Kisuke.

He was eating a mango.

Yoruichi sat down to." So what are we supposed to do now we're all out of leads."

Kisuke stopped eating. "I'm sorry this wasn't part of the plan."

Yoruichi looked up. "What plan?"

Kisuke looked away. "I've said too much.

He got up from his seat and went outside.

Yoruichi and I looked at each other puzzled. Then we followed him outside. He was standing on the steps.

"What plan are you talking about Kisuke?" I asked.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, I just mixed up the glasses so I had to put more. And then I messed it all up."

"Kisuke what the hell are you talking about?" Yoruichi demanded.

"I'm sorry I put muscle relaxers in the alcohol. It was supposed to be just for me because I like to trip sometimes. But I put it in the wrong glass so I put more in and then the glasses started to get mixed up. Then everything went to shit."

What happened next completely shocked and surprised me.

Yoruichi screamed like crazy and jumped on kisuke slammimg his head into the ground.

She grabbed his shirt by the collar. "You asshole! First you fuck up in the soul society and you make me run away with you, ruining my reputation and leave behind Soi Fon. And now I have just one shot to redeem myself and you fuck it up again! You ruined my life!

"I'm sorry I just wanted everyone to have a good time." Kisuke cried.

"I hate you!"

Yoruichi started punching him in the face drawing attention from pedestrians. I didn't want anyone to get arrested again so I decided to intervene.

I wrapped both arms around Yoruichi's stomach and lifted her off Kisuke. Kisuke sat up wiping the blood from his nose. Yoruichi struggled against my hold still trying to get to Kisuke. But I held her tight.

"Calm the fuck down!" I yelled.

"Fuck you!" She yelled back.

Are you kidding me with this shit?

I let her go, spun her around and smacked her straight across the face.

"You need to pull your fucking shit together right now."

She stared at me looking stunned. Then she slowly nodded her head.

Yoruichi looked at Kisuke who was still on the ground. "You are not my friend!"

Kisuke looked sadly at the ground. His shirt was slightly up, that's when I noticed something odd.

"Kisuke what's that on your stomach?

He shook his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I walked over to him and lifted up his shirt. The writing said Gran Hotel Cuidad De Mexico 6:00 in sharpie.

Yoruichi took out her phone. "6:00 that's in half an hour."

"Then let's get a cab and hurry." I stated.

We went to the street to get a taxi then we were on our way to the hotel. We arrived and went into the lobby. A man in an all black suit came up to address us.

"This way." He said simply, walking in front of us.

We followed him into an elevator and we all stepped in. None of us said a word as the elevator ascended. The lights kept climbing until we reached the highest floor. We all stepped out into what seemed like a very expensive hotel dining room. We followed the suited man to a small table where a man was eating. He was a thick man, bald with full facial hair. He looked like he was eating a very expensive plate of spaghetti. When we walked up to the table he looked up from his meal.

"Well don't just stand there, sit, sit, everyone sit!"

We all followed suit and took our seats at the table.

Yoruichi dared to speak first. "Excuse me but could you tell us why-"

"You know they serve the most delicious plum whiskey here that really gets you fucked up." He said.

We all fell silent.

"But you guys already got fucked up didn't you?" He laughed.

We all thought it was ok to laugh a little with him.

Then he slammed his glass on the table. "Where is Aizen with the codes?"

"What codes?" I asked.

"Aizen and I had an agreement. In exchange for my assets he was supposed to give me access to the accounts in the Cayman Islands."

"I'm sorry but we don't know about any codes about banks on islands." Yoruichi pleaded.

"Well you better start knowing about the codes. Where the fuck is Aizen?"

"Umm somewhere." Kisuke lied.

"Look if you assholes want your friend back you will get Aizen here tomorrow morning and get me the codes."

"Hold on just what do you mean by that?" Yoruichi demanded.

"That's right, I know you've been looking from Byakuya. I have him and you better give me the codes if you want him back."

"What the hell give him back!" I yelled.

"The codes first, now get lost you ugly fucks."

Several men in suites came over to remove us from the table.

The man pointed at Kisuke. "Leave the hat."

"But its designer." Kisuke pouted.

"Leave the hat asshole." I sneered.

We left the table without the escorts.

Aizen is dead, we're fucked.


	11. Coming Soon

Coming Soon

Summer 2013

"Yoruichi what the hell are we supposed to do we've looked everywhere and done everything and we still can't find him. The ceremony starts in 5 hours."

"Soi Fon there's nothing left we can do we need to call Rukia."

"If Rukia knows we lost him she's going to freak. She'll never forgive us.

Yoruichi held out her phone. "Soi Fon it's time.

"My reputation is ruined I don't even think I'm going to go back to the soul society."

"That's a little extreme Toshiro."

"No I'm serious, if I miss this ceremony I'm done I won't be able to come back. I'm just going to AWOL and stay here."

Yoruichi turned back to me and nudged me with the phone. "You have to do this now, we have no time left."

I took the phone out of her hands. Mine were shaking.

I found the contact and pressed send.

"Hello?"

"Rukia, it's Soi Fon."

"Soi Fon what the hell is going on, people are starting to show up."

"Rukia I'm sorry we fucked up."

"Don't say that to me Soi Fon."

"No this time it's bad, it happened again."

"What the hell is wrong with you guys?"

"So much Rukia I don't even know where to begin."

"So how bad? Like no Captain's Ceremony bad?"

"Yeah it's a little worse than that."

"Let me talk to Ichigo."

"Rukia we can't find him."

"You what?"

"Rukia we're in Amsterdam."

Barracho 2: Escape from Amsterdam

2013


	12. Jizzed in my pants

Gran Hotel Cuidad De Mexico

6:55 PM

We all stepped into the elevator to descend to the bottom floor.

"Well what the fuck are we supposed to do Aizen is dead." Yoruichi asked.

I shook my head. "We'll just have to go back to the hotel and check his body maybe the codes will be in his wallet or something."

"First we lose the cute little boy then my hat, this is the worst day of my life." Kisuke whined.

"Are you some kind of idiot?" I asked.

The bell went off on the elevator and the doors opened. We walked out into the lobby through the double doors and into the street. We hailed a cab and we took off towards our shit hole hotel.

* * *

We arrived at our ratty hotel and we went straight to the kitchen. The freezer was still locked.

"Watch out." Yoruichi grabbed a fire extinguisher and started pounding on the lock.

1-2-3 and the lock broke. Then the door flew open and something flew out.

Kisuke took an upper cut to the chin and got shoved over. I took a punch straight in the face. My head flew around knocking the spit from my mouth. Yoruichi took several punches to the stomach and flew into the wall.

I grabbed it and shoved it against the freezer. It was in fact a very alive Aizen.

"You try to kill on me?" He screamed.

"No, no, no one is trying to kill on you."

Aizen struggled against my hold.

I squeezed him tight. "Shhhh."

Aizen puckered his lips. "Shhhh." He repeated.

"Now that's good." I said.

"Aizen so cold."

"I know we're gonna get you in a warm shower."

"Aizen so cold!"

I helped him up. Yoruichi and Kisuke were just recovering from getting their asses kicked.

El Ranchito Taco Shop

8:47 PM

Aizen was in a baggy sweatshirt with a scarf around his neck. He was currently sipping a hot bowl of menudo to warm up.

"Are you feeling any warmer, is the soup helping?" I asked.

"I don't know Soi Fon come feel my balls and tell me."

I shook my head. Aizen was such a smart ass.

Aizen reached over and grabbed the sunglasses off of Kisuke's head.

"Kisuke if you want to wear Aizen's super cool sunglasses just ask you don't have to kill me."

"Aizen there was nothing we could do, you didn't have a pulse." Yoruichi reasoned.

"Don't you know anything about blow? Sometimes your heart stops and then it starts again. God read a fucking book."

"Sorry Aizen we're just having a bad day." I said.

"Oh I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Did you die?"

"No but I got shot."

"Yeah but did you die?"

"Look Aizen we talked to a friend of yours who said you need to give him bank codes or else he's going to kill Byakuya."

"Who Kingsley? He's harmless. Don't worry muff divers I got the bank codes."

"Ok well where are they?" Yoruichi asked.

"I put it in little boy's outfit pocket."

"Why would you put it there?" I asked.

"Look Soi bean I'm an international criminal. I got a lot of heat on my ass. I'm talking FBI, CIA, Soul Society, Interpol, MSNBC."

"MSNBC?"

"Yeah that's what I said. That shows after me for an interview."

"OK well bad news Aizen some thugs stole the boy from us earlier today."

Aizen snapped his fingers. "Ok, Ok, no problem we just steal him back."

"From where?" Kisuke asked.

"Same place we took him from duh! I was doing coke with him all night jacking off watching Yoruichi make fuck with lady boy."

Yoruichi looked down and covered her face.

I won't admit it but I laughed a little.

Unknown Location

9:22 PM

We all sat in a silver sports car that I'm pretty sure Aizen must have stolen. We were parked in some sort of small town square surrounded by quaint shops and little food markets. I was looking around when I spotted the little boy sitting on a roof smoking a cigarette.

"Look there he is!" I pointed up.

Some other guys from a car whistled. The little boy put out his cigarette jumped onto some rafters and did a back flip onto the ground. He ran up to the car window and gave something to the driver. The driver gave him some money. The little boy took it and ran over to two guys sitting by a café.

"You see it's genius, little circus boy is talented middle man. The dealer gives the coke to the boy and the boy gives it to the customer and takes the money back. The dealers don't go to jail and boy doesn't go to jail he's too little. It's the perfect plan!" Aizen explained.

"That's child abuse!" Yoruichi sneered.

"Calm down pussy face, it business!"

I smiled and shook my head.

"So now we just hold out some money and take him, and maybe get a little coke to."

"No Aizen, no more coke." Yoruichi said firmly.

"Fine beaver pussy." Aizen rolled down the window and tried to whistle.

The only noise he made was a little squeaking sound.

"Kisuke signal little boy Lord Aizen can't whistle."

"You call yourself Lord Aizen?" He asked."

"Why not? You should hear what I call my penis."

I threw my hands up. "I think not! Just whistle Kisuke."

Kisuke rolled down his window from the back seat and whistled.

The little boy put his head up. He saw us and scurried over to our car. Aizen held out a wad of cash from his driver's side window.

"Ok Kisuke get ready to grab his costume."

Kisuke nodded.

The little boy came up to the car and climbed up Aizen's window. He put his hand around the wad of cash.

"Now Kisuke!" Aizen yelled.

Kisuke grabbed the boy's jump suit but it was skin tight and wouldn't budge. The little boy turned his head and started screaming in Spanish. Both of the thugs stood up from their table and reached for their guns.

"Pull him in the car!" Aizen yelled.

"Fucking punch it!" I screamed.

Aizen obeyed without hesitation. He hit the pedal hard and the tires spun in place before we leapt forward into the street. I saw the thugs hop motorcycles in pursuit of us. Aizen hung a hard left to ditch them. Gun shots rang out and the back window shattered.

Kisuke was still hanging out the window trying to get the boy inside. He was holding onto the bottom of the car.

"Get that boy inside!" Yoruichi yelled.

Kisuke yelled back. "He's so fucking strong!"

A thug pulled up to my side and aimed his gun at me.

I threw my seat back. "Peal off Aizen."

Aizen swerved to the left and the thug pulled off to the right to dodge some crates. Kisuke finally pulled the boy's fingers loose and got him in the car. The second thug pulled up to Aizen's side he shot Aizen's window out but he missed Aizen.

"Fuck you butt pirate!" Aizen screamed and ran the car into the thug.

He lost control of his bike and fell off.

Aizen cackled. "One down one to down!"

"Are you enjoying this?" I was freaking out.

"I fucking love this shit!" Aizen laughed."

I put my face in my hands. "Oh my God."

I looked up and saw a dead end. "Drift Aizen drift!"

"Got it Soi bean!"

Aizen pulled the wheel the opposite way and drifted hard. We all screamed. Aizen just laughed out loud. There was a large piece of cow hanging right in our path.

"BEEEEEF!" I screamed.

The beef hit the back window and sprayed blood right in Yoruichi's face.

"Aaaagghhh my God!" She yelled.

The last thug pulled up on my side again and shot out the back window. Yoruichi had ducked. But then I heard the little boy scream.

"They shot the kid! I am at my whits end!" Kisuke cried.

I looked ahead. There was only a canal and no place to turn. The last thug pulled off and stopped.

"Fuck it!" Aizen yelled.

He hit the gas pedal hard and our speed climbed. We hit the lip in the canal and we flew in the air. We all had our hands to the ceiling screaming at the tops of ours lungs. Thank God we landed on the other side and we screeched to a halt knocking off the front bumper. We were all silent. I sat back in my chair my heart pounding.

"Oh my God I just jizzed my pants." Aizen said out of breath.

"What the fuck?" Yoruichi was disgusted.

I rubbed my eyes. "Let's just get out of here."

Aizen turned the wheel and we took off.

* * *

Kisuke walked to the hospital doors with the little boy in his arms. He sat him down in front of the locked doors and put a blanket around him. It was early in the morning and the sun was coming up.

Kisuke knelt down. "Hey little guy these people are gonna fix you up and probably find a good home for you."

The little boy put his two fingers up to his lips. "Frajo."

"Oh cigarette, here you go." Kisuke took a cigarette out and put in the little boys mouth, then he lit it.

"That's right buddy breath the smoke in your tiny lungs."

The little boy smiled. "Tu me gustas."

Kisuke smiled back. "I wish you spoke English so we could skype."

"Hey kisuke come on its almost time." I yelled.

Kisuke looked back at the boy. "Bye Carlos."

Then he ran back to the car and we took off.

* * *

Gran Hotel Cuidad De Mexico

7:55 AM

We walked into the elevator and we started to ascend. We were all silent except for the music playing in the elevator.

Aizen started to sing.

Josie's on a vacation far away

Come around and talk it over

So many things I wanna say

You know I like my girls a little bit older

I just wanna use your love tonight

I don't wanna lose you love tonight

"How can you be so calm?" Yoruichi asked.

Aizen put his sunglasses on. "It's no big deal Yoruichi. I give him the codes you get Byakuya. Its classic switcheroo."

"Does everything you do end up in a stand off?" I asked.

"Pretty much, I met my wife at one of these things."

"You're married?"

"What's wrong Lord Aizen isn't good looking enough for woman?"

"No its just odd." I remarked.

The bell dinged and the doors opened to the top floor. We stepped out and walked forward. There were some people walking towards us. Aizen walked in front.

"Stop Lord Aizen crossing!"

I rolled my eyes and followed. We walked out onto the roof patio and we found Kingsly sitting at a table with two laptops.

Aizen waved. "What's up Kingsly? Ooo have you been hitting the gym?"

Kingly nodded. "Well yes I have thank you for noticing."

We all sat down and Aizen took a laptop. "Tell you what keep Byakuya and I throw in this ugly fuck Kisuke for another 5 grand!"

They both laughed.

"Where's Byakuya?" I demanded.

"He's downstairs waiting in my car, we do the codes and I'll bring him up."

Aizen opened the laptop.

"Ok give Lord Aizen the codes Kisuke."

Kisuke took out a little paper. " 1."

"Ok now password."

"Racecar1."

"Your password is racecar 1?" I asked.

"Well it used to be racecar but now they make you add number."

Aizen pressed enter and the computer started beeping, then a confirmation came up on Kingsley's computer.

"And it's that easy." Kingley breathed.

Aizen stood up and shook his hand.

"Ok now we want Byakuya!" Yoruichi barked.

Kingley spoke to one of his goons. "Bring him up."

All of the sudden the tables and plates started shaking and a helicopter rose in front of us. A man sat on the edge pointing a sniper at us. We all got down. Several men in suites ran forward throwing Aizen down onto a table and locking him into a vice hold.

"We're good!" Kingsly yelled waving his hands. The helicopter pulled away.

Gin walked down the steps with several suited men. The men holding Aizen stood him up. Aizen looked at Gin.

"Gin! You sold me out over a couple of grenades?"

"It's not about the money man it's the principle!" Gin yelled.

Aizen spat on Gin.

"You spit on me? You spit on me?" He screamed.

"Nigger please we both dead inside!"

Then men holding Aizen took him away.

"You fucking racist!" Gin yelled after him.

I turned to Kingsly. "What the hell is going on?"

"Sorry I'm lieutenant Peters Interpol Agent. This sting operation has been in place for weeks. When Gin told us that your friend was missing we used that information to get you to bring us Aizen."

My heart fell. "So you don't have Byakuya?"

"I'm sorry Soi Fon we've checked everywhere, If you haven't found him by now Mexico has him."

"What the fuck does that mean-"

I was cut off when I heard fighting up ahead. Several men got pushed over and I saw Aizen running out with his shirt ripped open. My eyes went wide when I realized what he was going to do.

"AIZEN NO!"

But I was too late he spread his arms and eagle dove off the roof and disappeared.

Gone.


	13. Enjoy, Alcohol and Drugs

13th Division

Soul Society

_Riiiiiinnnng Riiiing_

"Hi this is Yoruichi Shihouin, I'm not here right now but if you leave me a message I'll be sure to get back to you right away."

_Riiiiiinnnng Riiiing_

"Hi you've reached Kisuke Urahara, Urahara Shoten will be closed this weekend due to a company trip to San Diego I'll be sure to return your call when I return."

_Riiiiiinnnng Riiiing_

"Yo it's Soi Fon I'm not answering because I don't care. And do me a favor don't even text me it's gay."

Rukia set the phone on the table.

"Anything?" Ichigo asked.

"Nothing I've tried them all, it just keeps going to voicemail."

Captain Ukitake leaned back on the couch. "Rukia it's San Diego, America's finest city. They probably hooked a tuna. And you never walk away when you hook a big one."

"You do if you're receiving a life time achievement award!" Rukia snapped.

"I'm sure there's some sort of explanation." Ichigo soothed.

Buuuuuzzz Buuuuzzzzz

Rukia grabbed her phone and flipped it open.

Gran Hotel Cuidad De Mexico

We all stood on the roof patio beaten, bloody, and bruised. Our clothes dirty and torn to shreds. We hung our heads low, our spirits completely crushed. We had no options left. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do.

"You guys can go back to the soul society, I'm going to stay here." Yoruichi said sadly.

"What do you mean? You're just going to stay in Mexico City?" Kisuke asked.

"There's no way I can go back to the Soul Society and admit I lost Byakuya. Maybe I'll open up a little dojo down here. Karate with a happy ending-Aaaaaghhhh!"

I cut Yoruichi off by punching her straight across the face. Her head spun around and all the spit flew out of her mouth. She fell to the floor clutching her face.

"What the fuck?" She screamed.

"Don't tell me what the fuck I'll tell you what the fuck you asshole!" I screamed back.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Are you serious? You're going to leave again? You left me for over 100 years and when you came back I broke down like a little bitch and you promised you'd never do it again! Lying asshole!"

I back handed her on the other side of her face and she fell to the ground again.

"Soi you just don't understand this kind of stuff because you're too young, sometimes you have to make sacrifices like this!

I kicked her in the ribs and she coughed blood.

"That's bullshit you're just selfish and you're only looking out for you!"

"I fucking loved you!" She yelled with tears in her eyes.

"False you loved yourself!"

I punched her in the stomach and she fell to her knees spitting blood out onto my arm.

She looked up at me. Totally broken. Desperation in her golden eyes.

"What….do….you….want…..from….me?"She gasped.

I grabbed her collar in my fists and stared deep into her eyes.

"We're going back together, and taking whatever happens. We'll get through it together. And we'll be ok because we'll have each other."

"Ok."She breathed

Kisuke walked up to me and handed me a phone.

"It's time."

I took the phone from him and dialed Rukia's number.

"Hello?"

"Rukia it's Soi Fon."

"Soi Fon where are you guys I'm freaking out!"

"Rukia look we uh man we fucked up."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The whole trip it went wrong and we lost Byakuya."

"What do you mean you lost him where are you?"

"We're in Mexico city"

Yoruichi sat on the steps while Soi Fon was on the phone. She touched her mouth and then looked at the blood on her hand. Then she looked at Soi Fon's head. She could see the bandages wrapped tightly around her. She thought of Byakuya's shirt, bloodied with a stab hole through it. She looked at the blood on her hand again and back at Soi's bandages. Then she thought of that sign in the hotel that said first aid kits were on odd number floors. She remembered that they were on a odd number floor. Then it clicked.

"Rukia I'm so sorry-Ooof!"

Youichi had run at Soi Fon tackling her to the ground she grabbed the phone.

"Hey Rukia it's Yoruichi!"

"Yoruichi talk to me what's going on?"

"Nothing Byakuya is fine he's just paying the bill for breakfast, but we gotta go because we need to get back soon!"

Yoruichi hung up the phone.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I yelled.

"I know where Byakuya is!"

Yoruichi took off running. Against my better judgment I ran after her with Kisuke close behind. We made it down to the street, and Yoruichi hailed a cab.

"Can you please tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

The cab pulled up.

"Get in the car I'll explain everything."

I just went with it. So we all got in the car.

I just the door, and we took off. "Ok, explain!"

"When we woke up we found Byakuya's shirt with a bloody stab hole in it right?"

"Yeah so?"

"And what else?"

"I don't fucking know, what the hell is going on?"

"We also found bloody bandages. There was a sign in the room that said first aid kits were on odd number floors. We were on the 5th floor. Now what do you do if you wake up and your bandages are soaked and you need more?"

My eyes went wide. "You go and get more bandages on the 5th floor! Oh my God Byakuya's still at the hotel!"

The cab pulled up to our hotel and we ran inside climbing the stairs two at a time. We reached the 5th floor and searched for the room that had snacks, ice, first aid etc.

"Found it!" I yelled.

I ran into a dimly lit room and I found a very alive Byakuya slumped against the wall sleeping with fresh bandages around his stomach.

"I found him!"

Yoruichi and Kisuke ran into the room after me.

"Byakuya!" We all yelled.

We were so thrilled to have him back! I put my hands on his shoulders and shook him a little. His lifted his eyes a little and started to cough. He was covered in sweat and blood was starting to come through his bandages.

"Hey." He breathed.

"Hey buddy we're so happy to see you, but we gotta go now. We have to get back home!"

"The Captain's Awards are today…" He said wearily.

"That's right bud that's why we've gotta go."

Byakuya looked at Yoruichi and put his hand on her head.

"Cool tattoo Yoruichi."

"Thanks Byakuya, let's get you up."

Byakuya put his hands in mine and I pulled him to his feet. Yoruichi put his arm over her shoulder and helped him walk. We slowly walked down the stairs for Byakuya.

Kisuke spoke up. "Ok so problem, the ceremony starts in 4 hours!"

"We'll figure it out ok."

We walked out of the hotel and stepped into the sun.

"You've got to be shiting me…"

In front of us stood Aizen in a priceless suit, with a black SUV at his side.

"What's up niggas?"

"What the hell?" I whispered

Aizen held out his arms. "I'm here to give you fags a lift!"

"Y-You committed suicide, you jumped off a 60 story hotel."

"Lord Aizen doesn't commit suicide, it's illusion." He wiggled his fingers.

"Look Aizen I appreciate it, but we can't drive back to San Diego. We'll never make it in time."

Aizen started to laugh. "No driving douche bag, we fly.

"In what?"

"My private jet, how do you even think we got here?"

My eyes went wide. Private jet?

We all jumped in Aizen's car and drove to the Air Field. We got out of the car and parked in front of us was a white stream line jet.

My jaw dropped. "Oh my God."

Aizen held out his hand. "Shall we?"

We all boarded Aizen's jet, Yoruichi helping Byakuya up the stairs. We all took our seats and buckled in. The Screens lit up and an automated voice came on.

"Welcome to Lord Aizen Airways, The Penetrator. Your airline between Hueco Mundo and The World of The Living. Alcohol and cocaine will be served once we have reached a cruising altitude.

Wait, what?

"We have been cleared for take off. Please fasten your seat belts and enjoy your flight. Thank you for choosing Aizen Airways.

I sat back in my seat. We sped down the air strip and we began to lift and take off into the sky.

When we were cruising I took off my seat belt and went to the front of the plane where the couches were. I went to the mini bar and made myself a White Russian. Yoruichi came and sat on a couch as well. Kisuke was doing some sort of math or science equations in his note book back in his seat. Byakuya was sleeping in a pull out bed.

Aizen came out and started to fix himself a drink as well.

"Hey who is flying the-"

"Auto pilot." He winked

"Oh."

I sat down on a couch and started to sip my drink. Aizen sat down next to me and started to rummage through the drawers in the coffee table in front of us. He finally found what he was looking for and he pulled out a bag filled with white powder.

Cocaine.

He wiggled his eyebrows. "Look what I have."

Yoruichi stood up and grabbed the bag from him.

"No more coke. What if you die again? Who is gonna fly the plane?"

Aizen glared at her and snatched the bag back.

"Fine I have something else."

Aizen went inside the drawer again and pulled out a huge bag of weed.

"No!" Yoruichi yelled.

She tried to grab the bag, but Aizen was too quick for her.

"Fuck off pussy cat, you can't die from weed!"

"You are not flying this plane high!"

"Suck my balls nigger!"

"What did you just call me?"

"A nigger, you're black right?"

"I am not black, I'm just very dark skinned."

"Well you look like a nigger to me."

"You're a fucking racist!"

"Do you have a piece?" I asked

"Fuck that shit!"

Aizen went to a cupboard and pulled out a 3 ft. bong. Now that's what I'm talking about!

* * *

It wasn't long before Aizen and I had the whole plane hot boxed. Yoruichi was sitting back on the couch with her eyes closed.

Aizen took a huge rip on the bong and started coughing.

I pointed to Yoruichi. "Let's swoop in."

Aizen smiled and nodded. I went and sat on the arm of the couch where Yoruichi was sitting and Aizen sat next to her on the other side. He handed me the bong. I took a huge hit, snapping it. I handed the bong back to Aizen. Then I leaned over and put my lips close to her nose and let all the smoke out of my mouth.

Yoruichi woke up coughing and sputtering.

"Hack, hack, what the, hack, hell?"

I pointed towards Aizen. She turned her head and Aizen blew an ass load of smoke in her face.

"Hack, hack, hack, what the fuck?"

Something in the cockpit started beeping. Aizen stood up and put the bong away.

"We'll be landing soon!" He giggled.

"What are you going to do after this? Go back to Hueco Mundo?"

"Fuck Hueco Mundo!" Aizen laughed.

"What about Las Noches?" Yoruichi asked.

I couldn't help but notice her golden eyes were a little red and droopy.

"Fuck Las Noches, I'm gonna turn that place into a whore house. I'm pretty sure Grimmjow likes it up the ass!"

We both laughed.

"Now get in your seats we're gonna land."

Aizen disappeared into the cockpit and we went to our seats. The automated system came on again.

"Please take your seats and buckle up. We are preparing to land. We hope that you've enjoyed your drugs and alcohol. Thank you for choosing Aizen Airways."

Yoruichi leaned her head on my shoulder.

"I-I don't know what I'm feeling." Yoruichi slurred.

"Describe it to me."

"I feel tired, not sleepy. More like floating. And tingly. I could really kill for a burrito."

I giggled. "You're high."

"I am not! I've never done drugs!"

"Well I know what I know, and you're definitely high."

The plane began to fall, and my stomach did that dropping thing. We slowly descended until we touched down onto the runway and came to a stop.

Aizen came out of the cockpit.

"Alright we're in TJ, you're gonna have to cross the border on foot I can't fly into the U.S."

"What did you do in America?" I asked.

Aizen winked. "That's another story!"

We all gathered our things and walked down the steps. Aizen waved us off.

"So long faggots!"

**Review :)**


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